we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
