so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
