you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
