I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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