I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I am one with the molecules
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
