2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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