what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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