just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
