i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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