toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
