Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
