Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
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