you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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