He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
