I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
