? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
