you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
