I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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