I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Also, beer. Big fan.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
