If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
