I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
our cab driver is having phone sex.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
