would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
