a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
