Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
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