Only a mothe r could love this liver
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
