I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
