I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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