a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
