i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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