you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
