New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
