Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
