the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
