how can u be prego again
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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