Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
try to milk me bitch
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
