The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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