I want to have your abortion
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
