we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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