If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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