we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
