Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
