By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
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