so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
