He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
