im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
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