I'm so fucking centered right now
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
