addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
