It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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