Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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