Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
