Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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