He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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