he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
