I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
