So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm just crazy horny about you
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
