He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
