i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
