You don't have asthma, your pregnant
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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