I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
