so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
