When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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