How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
