I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize