Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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