dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
