did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
