he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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