sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Randomize
