I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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