like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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